I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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