Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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