Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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