I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
