Tell her she can't have a vagina
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
