you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
