why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
