The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
