If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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