I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
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My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
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Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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