were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
