...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
