Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
