:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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