eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
