I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
