I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
