2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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