he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
