I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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