I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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