I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
