the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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