as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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