So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
