Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
