I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Randomize
