The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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