it's like iHOP with fire
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
