i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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