okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
