Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
