so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
