I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
