Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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