How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
