I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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