Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
