she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
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Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
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Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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