she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
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He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
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i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
This toilet bowl is my home.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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