I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
