At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize