sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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