so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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