why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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