I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you would pick up someone in the library
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
