I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
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Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
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Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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