There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
