Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
