I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
