one word: firstdatebathroomanal
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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