I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
