How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
