Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
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he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
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She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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