your thong is hanging out like whoa
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
