Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
