The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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