Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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