We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
