lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
