There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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