Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
