Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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