We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
