lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
