Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
