You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
