Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
