god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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