I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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