I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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